Forgive me Father, for I have sinned

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. Although your forgiveness won't make a great deal of difference.

I will never go to Heaven.

I will probably slip off the stairway halfway there.

I am a sinner. Heaven doesn't like sinners.

My temper is short, I have no patience and I am incapable of hope. I despise some people and sometimes I find it difficult to forgive. I am too much fascinated by the darkness of this world.

I find it impossible to put my trust into anything and anybody. My sarcasm hurts and I use it often to slice through people's egos.

I like to treat mankind with the same reverence they show me - none in most cases.

I am constantly suspicious of everything that seems too good. I doubt everything and look for hidden meanings and motives. (Perhaps in Heaven I would keep asking, ok so where's the catch? What's in the small print?)

That's settled, then. Forgiveness or not, Father - I will see you in Hell. I am already there, anyway. Meet you by the main fire in fifteen minutes. I will wear a white carnation on my lapel. That is just in case you can't recognise my smug face.