My life in cardboard boxes

So I am moving house. Again. I only had to move about four times in the past three years. Not funny. Not good. So I have to put all my life in cardboard boxes, yes again, and move.
So far I have moved countries, then towns, now counties.
As I am typing this, half of my life is already packed, filled boxes already stacked up in one corner of the living room, and the rest of my flat looks, oh well, a bit like a bombsite.
I wonder if I will ever find a permanent place that I can call Home. With no flattened cardboard boxes lurching in the cupboard under the stairs ('ready for next time') and no nagging feeling that everything is unstable and temporary. But that perhaps, is in another life... happy days.

and I am

and I am cold, and I am blue, and I am loving and I am true
and I want to die and I want to live
and I want to be

I am the Foreign, the Stranger, the Alien

I am an immigrant. An intruder. A visitor who doesn't leave anymore.
I will never be truly 'at home' here. This country will never be mine, and it will never fully accept me as hers.
I am the Foreign, the Stranger, the Alien.
I speak two languages. I think in two languages. I even dream in two languages. I sometimes even cry in both languages, or love in both. I am in between home-countries, somewhat in both but in fact in none.
It feels that I will never be seen as good as your average local - proving to them that you are actually better in any way, shape or form normally upsets the locals. The locals (let's take my 'mate' Joe Blogg) don't want to be upset. Not by an effing immigrant, anyway.
In one job I used to have, they were all treating me as if I was handicapped in some strange way; well, if I am not a 'local', there must be something really wrong with me. I have missed out on something.
I don't expect anything extraordinary to happen to me, good things to fall on my plate from an ultra-generous heaven. I have to work my backside off to earn and get a fraction of what I want. In a way perhaps I am handicapped, I do not have 'the background', I do not come from the same genetic pool as the 'locals'. If I want a life, then I will have to wait in the queue, the locals have priority. They make me feel that being a 'local' (i.e., born and bred) is the true passport to life here. Forget about that silly red paper thing (with a chip containing your details). It is your accent and history that counts.
They hear the foreign accent and straight away in their minds a sudden and brief process places you in a category - the category of the exotic, the category of the tree-climbers or the category of a lesser race.
The only good thing my background has brought me was an almost red-carpet admission in one of my jobs here. We want ethnic minorities, yes please! But at the end of the day, how can you say no to an idiot who comes to work for free (minority or not)?
And yes, I am an immigrant. I've got an advantage: I can understand their world, but they will never be able to understand mine. I might as well be from Mars or Planet Zorg, as far as they are concerned. Yeah, keep them guessing :-) Live long and prosper.
I am an immigrant. They might think of me as a pain in the neck, a bother, a rash, 'cause I am not going away. But I came in peace.
I am the Foreign, the Stranger, the Alien. And you know what, I am effing proud of it.

Mrs Cellophane is wearing blue!

I have been Mrs Cellophane recently.
People tend to forget I exist. People try and make me forget too.
Invisibility is sometimes a blessing. Sometimes it is not.
It made me upset. It made me cry. It made me angry. Nobody seemed to notice Mrs Cellophane's tears. Mrs Cellophane is invisible - or if not invisible, conveniently ignorable (just like the guy in 'Chicago').
Today I am wearing BLUE.
I became visible again. People remembered who I was.

Mrs Cellophane became me again. Or someone else, wearing blue. I was in fancy-dress, dressed up as myself!!

Good job I am not God

Just imagine if I were God - I would change the whole world!
For starters, I would make people good. Really good. I would banish hypocrisy, idiocy, ignorance, envy, jealousy, egotism.
Then I would also banish tears and unhappiness.
I would make it summer all year round.
I would make it so that people would still work (sorry guys) but they would get paid properly so they have enough not just to make ends meet, but to have some left so they can enjoy life.
I would cure diseases.
I would end all wars.
I would make people read at least ten good quality books in their lifetime.
I would give people common sense and make them use it.
I would disable people's option to take each other for granted.
I would let the love last longer than just a fleeting honeymoon.

And I would destroy the notion of hope - as I believe it just makes people miserable in their failures.

PS: and I would change the law of this country, so I could legally own a badger.

I am only a tiny fish

Big fish eat small fish - says the proverb.

I am only a tiny fish - and the world out there is full of hungry predators.

I personally exist at the bottom of the food-chain.
The bigger fish come in different shapes and sizes - you have huge fish, not-so-huge fish, medium-sized fish and small-medium fish.
Their size - most of the time - gives you an idea of how hungry the fish are.

The bigger fish are not that keen on feeding on the little'uns (like me and you) - for what is the point, what is the 'victory' in eating something that small and insignificant?

The medium and small-medium fish I am worried about. They just itch to become big fish; to become big fish they need to eat (me and you). And they eat, eat, eat - sometimes they even eat fish their own size; yes, they eat their competition.

There is one issue though: you end up with lots and lots of big fish and not so many small fish ('cause me and you have already been eaten, remember?). So the food-chain is getting significantly smaller.
I wonder what happens when there's only one link left in that chain?