The Importance of being Goth

As you probably know, about 6 months ago I came out. As a Goth. Yeah, so far I have been in denial, a closet-Goth as they say. Anyway, 6 months have passed and now I am the proud owner of a new wardrobe (any excuses, after all) and a new social 'label' attached to my good self.
There are certain advantages and (of course) disadvantages of being a Goth these days. In no particular order:
1. You don't need to worry about (fake) tan anymore. If my legs are whiter than an aspirin tablet, as they haven't seen sunshine for about 2 years (well, i DO live in the UK, after all?!) - so what? White is cool, pale is the word for a Goth. And no more orangey fake tan either: woohoo!
1. a) You don't need to spend any more money on blushers.
1. b) You will start ditching your old make-up paraphernalia and acquire monochrome products, to include, of course, ghostly-white powder, black eye-shadow and eye-liner (wholesale, as you go through one eye-liner every session), black lipstick and black nail-polish. Can be quite expensive to buy everything in one go, but you've got to look the part!
2. Blame pretty much everything on the Goth-ness: after a rather rough night, your friend is telling you 'OMG, you really look like Death!' - well, D'OH! Or your make-up is smudged: of course, this is part of the melodramatic look that's part of being a Goth... etc etc etc.
3. Your tights are laddered - forget about being paranoid and dashing to the nearest shop to buy a new pair; if your jeans are torn, your Doc Martens are dusty, nail varnish chipped - worry not: looking scruffy can be classed as Goth chic...
4. Colour coordination hysteria is a thing of the past. Black and all its shades will never clash with each other.
5. Getting ready to go out can take less time and effort: what to wear?? Well, just open the damn wardrobe and something (black) will fall on you. Do not give it a second thought - as a Goth, you have the guts and the style to carry everything off. You would look stunning even in a (black) potato sack.
5. a) Locating a certain garment in your (black) wardrobe can sometimes be tricky. Finding a needle in the haystack = finding a top in a Goth's wardrobe. Go instead for tip mentioned at point number 5.
6. Unless you opt for the Lolita look, forget about killer shoes (ie, shoes that kill you). Vote goes to: Big boots, 'kick-ass' boots, Doc Martens - stay comfy, stay cool.
6. a) Knee-length Doc Marten boots (I am a proud owner) will take ages to lace up. Not a good idea to wear them on quick 'dates', when you have to take them off and put them back on in a hurry. Some guys will also find this 'hold on, only 10 eyelets to go' business rather off-putting.
6. b) You can now give the saying 'Goths do it in Doc Martens' a new twist :-)
7. No need to act all nicey-nice if you don't feel like it. If you want to be a moody cow, get on with it. Goths are by definition a species apart and lesser beings will never-ever understand them and their intricate drama.
8. You get used to people staring at you wherever you go. Offer them the oportunity to take a picture, challenge them to see if you will indeed appear in the photo, they will leave you alone.
8. a) You can easily fob off pretty much any sales-rep; with a cheeky answer, you will frighten the socks off him/her. (I was in town the other day, and a rep with a badge and a clipboard stopped me to ask if I buy stuff online. I said to her sternly, whilst looking fixedly in her eyes: 'I only use the power of the internet for my devil-worshipping purposes'. She mumbled something and let me pass. Succes.)
8. b) If you go into 'posh' shops or restaurants, don't expect a good service. A snotty waiter or a Barbie-brained shop assistant will unwittingly dread that you lower the tone of the venue. However, fair-play to those who treat you with respect and consideration (no gory cheeky answers to them).
9. Hair styles 'accidents' - cut, colour, or anything else that went wrong in the process. Thank Goth, everything goes (ha ha, geddit?).
10. On a very dark note: you are always ready to attend a funeral!